Are you there Shiva?

Lately I have been very confused about praying, god, religion, spirituality and the beliefs that are embedded in me.  I think the more you read the more open your mind gets, the more open your mind gets the more questions you have.  It’s a never ending circle; I feel like a hamster on a religious wheel looking for god.  I sometimes feel like saying Hello God It’s me are you listening?  Am I speaking the right language? Am I eating the right food on the right day to keep you happy? So I gave up on praying for a few days, not sure about which mantras to chant or which one of the higher beings am I calling.  So if I call on one will the other one get upset?  Should I follow blindly what was told to me by the pandits and so called wise elders in the family?  I mean isn’t that what parents are for to tell you what is right from wrong and what is true and what is not?  But wait this is now all their perception, their right is not my right?  It is true that you should learn from other’s mistakes, and respect your elders.  But what if the thing they called mistake was not done right by them and so they failed.  What if I do it my way and maybe I will fail but what if I succeed?  I will never know with so many opportunities lost due to living in someone else’s experience and fear.   Many restrictions, so many rules, do this, don’t do this, if you eat this on this day then it won’t be good.  So wait I am not supposed to eat meat on Tuesday but I can on Wednesday?  So God will love me less if I eat meat on Tuesday and he will ignore the fact that I did on Wednesday.  For the past many years (I won’t say the age here, come on now, I haven’t lost it that much!) If I am in my periods for those five days, I am not supposed to pray according to Hindu philosophy that is because I am “impure”.  So out of the month, I am out of God’s radar for five days.  So that got me to reading, and researching; isn’t google another word for god anyways?  So lots of research and a lot of ramblings to do later on, but at the moment I have to go walk it out as it is a gorgeous day.  The best conversations you have with your higher being is when you are out in the nature.  Later peeps! 

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